Belonging versus fitting in in your career
BEING "YOU" AT WORK IS THE BEST WAY TO FINALLY BELONG
Last week, I pressed play on the audiobook of Brené Brown's Atlas of the Heart, heard the following quote, and drifted into a melee of deep thoughts on professional identity:
“True belonging doesn’t require us to change who we are; it requires us to BE who we are.”
Wait, what?!
We just have to BE ourselves, and then we'll belong in our careers and workplaces?
YES! I'll explain more in a moment.
This quote stopped me in my tracks because it echoes what I hear in my research on professional identity.
Clients and people I study lament that they don't feel they belong in their workplace. They don't know where they fit in in the workforce. Some even feel hopeless that they'll ever be accepted for the multitude of professional identities they have.
For many workers, it's hard to imagine that they can be a hybrid professional and be accepted, at the same time!
They've only seen evidence to the contrary.
THE BARRIER TO BELONGING
We waste energy trying to win approval, be accepted, and fit into the cultures, teams, and offices where we work. Brown says these are hollow substitutes for belonging.
Brown writes, "When we work to fit in and be accepted, our 'belonging' is tenuous." (p. 158)
The harder you try to conform to the standards of who you think you're supposed to be for an employer, and mold yourself into the job title you've been given, the less you're actually being yourself--hence you don't belong.
You give up your authentic professional identity when you try to fit in.
BELONGING VS. FITTING IN
So what is the difference between belonging or fitting in?
First, ask yourself:
What does belonging mean to me?
What does fitting in mean to me?
Brown explains it this way:
Belonging is being somewhere you want to be and being accepted for you.
Fitting in is being somewhere you want to be but they don't care either way, you're accepted for being like everyone else.
Bottom line: "If I get to be me, I belong."
HOW YOU CAN BE YOUR TRUE PROFESSIONAL IDENTITY AND BELONG
How do you solve this conundrum if you, or someone you're advising, isn't sure how to stop "fitting in" and start "being themselves?"
The change that needs to happen is this: They need to realize who they are in their work and career.
Discovering professional identity is step one.
Once they know, see, feel, and accept their authentic professional identity, then they can start embracing, showcasing, and being that, in every setting without compromising themselves.
"Because we can feel belonging only if we have the courage to share our most authentic selves with people, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance. We can never truly belong if we're betraying ourselves, ideals, or our values in the process." (p. 159)
Brown mentions two powerful, and difficult, actions in this quote:
Courage
Self-acceptance
Even if you know who you are in your work, there may be fear of being that.
Courage and self-acceptance are crucial to the process of finding and feeling belonging. Frankly, I think these are the hardest stages of the process I do with clients.
I know how to help people discover their true professional identity, but owning it and showing up as that in a job search or in their work setting brings up a bunch of "I'm not sure I can" thoughts.
FINAL THOUGHT
If belonging is something you're striving for in your life or in your career, embracing your hybrid professional identity and educating people about WHO you REALLY are is absolutely essential. Otherwise, true belonging won't be possible.